A Few Words Go A Long Way

Before I start what I'm going to write I will be naming the person in my story V. 

In one of my blog posts I mentioned that there was a point in my life where I had basically hit rock bottom, well following that came when someone close to me had hit rock bottom yet I didn't know until it got serious. I remember how I found out, like it was just yesterday that someone so close to me was doing things to hurt themselves, doing things that could possibly end their lives. 

I don't think the person ever knew how I felt because I wasn't really much of a person to show it or even talk about it, I would just be sad about it and I just didn't understand why. 

I've always been one to say that if you want to cry, cry or if you want to talk to me and just let it out talk to me because even though I may not know what to say at least you spoke on it instead of bottling things inside you thinking that no one cares. There's always someone who is willing to listen.

I remember V saying, "what do we leave behind when we are gone, nothing. Nobody cares everyone just carries on living and forgets about you" honestly I don't feel like V knew how much they meant to me and how I would never forget and of course I would care, it'll be like a piece of me gone, never coming back, always thinking I could of done something to have prevented it, even by just telling them how much I do care and how much they mean to me. 

It's pretty easy for me to write something that comes from the heart but it's a lot harder for me to say it out loud because I don't know how they'll react but same way I wouldn't say it's hard to express and tell my children I love them and how much they mean to me. 

I remember one day someone telling me that V had taken a photo and in that photo there was a shadow on top, there's was something weird in the photo just I never let it be what it was. The photo was showing a spirit on top of her, this spirit had committed suicide and wanted to take V. I remember breaking down in tears and saying "but I don't want V to die" and literally crying my eyes out. 

Yes I do believe in spirits, ghosts etc I do believe some spirits pray on weak people. Ones are good and others are bad, yes I believe in ghost and spirits. Would I say I've seen stuff yes, would I say I've heard them, yes. You can think I'm crazy but it's what I've seen and felt. Same way I think they're not scared to be heard or seen by me or even me not reacting or being scared ain't no fun for them so they just leave. 

As time went on I still couldn't understand and still till this day understand how someone would want to take their own life, I've been in a very sad state of mind but never to hurt myself, have I ever asked God to just take me cos I was tired back when i had hit rock bottom? Yes but never hurt myself I do believe when it's my time to leave this earth it'll be when it's meant to be. Difference from then to now is I can't understand someone else's state of mind unless I've been through it or was in that mind frame, we went through similar sadness just certain people deal with things differently. 

Now it's safe to say that V overcame her sadness and is happy V was patient with the hurting process and was so strong. 

So remember don't ever be ashamed to be sad never be scared to tell someone close to you that you're feeling sad or even be ashamed to cry. It's ok not to be ok and it's ok to cry and if you don't have someone to talk to there's always helplines, people willing to listen. 

Don't forget to tell someone how much they mean to you, I promise you it'll mean so much to them and will brighten up there day even in the darkest times.

Take care 

Margie-Alexandra