I was raised by step father,who I call my dad and of course my mum. He is not blood but help raise me from when I was 5 years old. Of course I knew from a young age that he wasn't my biological father, yet I never thought too much into it either way, as far as I remember, "real dad" wasn't my concern because I never knew who he was nor did I remember even seeing him in my life.
As I got older, I would wonder, why didn't my "real dad" care to know me? Why didn't he want to have a relationship with me? Yes it'll make me sad but I always just a brushed it off, I would think about it for a bit, have a cry and that was it. I wouldn't think about it for a while and then the same questions would come up again if I took the time to think about it.
Age 12, when I went back to Colombia, if you're Latin American you'll likely have your biological fathers surname with your mothers surname attached. I'm not just Margie Alexandra Peralta but my name is Margie Alexandra Lopez Peralta, biological fathers surname coming first. So when I went Colombia I was forced to meet him because I needed him to sign papers in order for me to leave the country and come back to London, it was the scariest thing of my life. I wasn't ready. Mum said "be nice he needs to sign the papers so we can go back to London." The day came when it was time to meet him, I remember it being night time and him coming with my half brother and his wife. Did he get the warm welcome? No, he was a stranger to me, as far as I knew he was just my "real dad" did I feel love there? No. In my mind was I ready to meet a man who is suppose to be my dad? No, in my mind I already had a dad who loved me and adored me like I was his own, and there I was standing in front of man who I was told was my dad.
I was young and didn't care to know him or even give him a chance. He made effort but when I think back was the effort genuine or did he have ulterior motives. I remember he took me to get a outfit, we ate and whilst we was eating his wife asked me, do you love him, my "real dad" I said no, she asked but you love him because he's your dad I said no I don't I love my dad. (step dad) Was it harsh maybe but It was the truth, how can you love someone you don't know and who's never been apart of your life? How can you love a person who never cared to show you any love or any concern for your existence.
As days went by my mum asked him to sign the papers so that I could leave the country. He said and I will remember this to the day I die obviously translated from Spanish to English. "I don't love her, she can stay in the Colombia and be forced to live like a poor person" at the time I clearly didn't care. Mum took him off child support and he signed the papers giving mum full custody of me, therefore, I wouldn't ever have to ask him for permission to ever leave Colombia again if I ever went back, which I have a couple of times last time being 2012.
Years went by and I remember being drunk 2/3 years ago, crying saying that I didn't understand why my "real dad" didn't love me, that I had never did anything wrong to him and how could he not want me but want his other child. To find out he had left his child for a couple of years as I was told, I don't know if it's true but that's what I was told. Learning this just made me realise that it was just him, he was clearly never fit to be a father.
Even if it wasn't true I healed from all that and I thought writing about it may bring me to tears but no. Time heals everything and I learnt that even though my "real dad" didn't love me or may of said it out of anger I didn't care. I have a dad that regardless of where ever he may be I'll continue to call him my dad, some people are not privilege to even have a father figure present. I realised this all just after I had Reyan when he found me through Facebook.
At 12 years of age I wasn't ready to meet him and maybe if I had met him when I was ready things would of been different to how I feel now because I don't care to hear what he has to say I don't care to make conversation and I don't care for him to be apart of my life, maybe those words "I don't love her" scarred me but everything happened the way it was meant to happen and I'm ok with it. I'm happy to know that thinking about it don't make me sad, I feel no way because I have a dad and will always have one, not blood related, but unconditional love.
Moral to the story is no matter how hurt you may be and how long the healing process may take just be patient with the process and with yourself because before you know it you have healed. My healing took almost a decade counting from when I was 12 years old when I was faced with dealing with the fact I did actually have a "real dad" I've completely healed from that situation.
Take care
Margie-Alexandra
As I got older, I would wonder, why didn't my "real dad" care to know me? Why didn't he want to have a relationship with me? Yes it'll make me sad but I always just a brushed it off, I would think about it for a bit, have a cry and that was it. I wouldn't think about it for a while and then the same questions would come up again if I took the time to think about it.
Age 12, when I went back to Colombia, if you're Latin American you'll likely have your biological fathers surname with your mothers surname attached. I'm not just Margie Alexandra Peralta but my name is Margie Alexandra Lopez Peralta, biological fathers surname coming first. So when I went Colombia I was forced to meet him because I needed him to sign papers in order for me to leave the country and come back to London, it was the scariest thing of my life. I wasn't ready. Mum said "be nice he needs to sign the papers so we can go back to London." The day came when it was time to meet him, I remember it being night time and him coming with my half brother and his wife. Did he get the warm welcome? No, he was a stranger to me, as far as I knew he was just my "real dad" did I feel love there? No. In my mind was I ready to meet a man who is suppose to be my dad? No, in my mind I already had a dad who loved me and adored me like I was his own, and there I was standing in front of man who I was told was my dad.
I was young and didn't care to know him or even give him a chance. He made effort but when I think back was the effort genuine or did he have ulterior motives. I remember he took me to get a outfit, we ate and whilst we was eating his wife asked me, do you love him, my "real dad" I said no, she asked but you love him because he's your dad I said no I don't I love my dad. (step dad) Was it harsh maybe but It was the truth, how can you love someone you don't know and who's never been apart of your life? How can you love a person who never cared to show you any love or any concern for your existence.
As days went by my mum asked him to sign the papers so that I could leave the country. He said and I will remember this to the day I die obviously translated from Spanish to English. "I don't love her, she can stay in the Colombia and be forced to live like a poor person" at the time I clearly didn't care. Mum took him off child support and he signed the papers giving mum full custody of me, therefore, I wouldn't ever have to ask him for permission to ever leave Colombia again if I ever went back, which I have a couple of times last time being 2012.
Years went by and I remember being drunk 2/3 years ago, crying saying that I didn't understand why my "real dad" didn't love me, that I had never did anything wrong to him and how could he not want me but want his other child. To find out he had left his child for a couple of years as I was told, I don't know if it's true but that's what I was told. Learning this just made me realise that it was just him, he was clearly never fit to be a father.
Even if it wasn't true I healed from all that and I thought writing about it may bring me to tears but no. Time heals everything and I learnt that even though my "real dad" didn't love me or may of said it out of anger I didn't care. I have a dad that regardless of where ever he may be I'll continue to call him my dad, some people are not privilege to even have a father figure present. I realised this all just after I had Reyan when he found me through Facebook.
At 12 years of age I wasn't ready to meet him and maybe if I had met him when I was ready things would of been different to how I feel now because I don't care to hear what he has to say I don't care to make conversation and I don't care for him to be apart of my life, maybe those words "I don't love her" scarred me but everything happened the way it was meant to happen and I'm ok with it. I'm happy to know that thinking about it don't make me sad, I feel no way because I have a dad and will always have one, not blood related, but unconditional love.
Moral to the story is no matter how hurt you may be and how long the healing process may take just be patient with the process and with yourself because before you know it you have healed. My healing took almost a decade counting from when I was 12 years old when I was faced with dealing with the fact I did actually have a "real dad" I've completely healed from that situation.
Take care
Margie-Alexandra
beautiful��
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