Decisions

In life things happen, you have to make choices that you never thought you'll be strong enough to make. I've never been scared to disappoint any one by making decisions that make me happy, but having children changed that, I don't want to disappoint them by making decisions that may affect them or make them feel like I've disappointed them, for a while that was the case then I made the decision that could affect the three of us but I knew that eventually we'll be ok, that time healed everything and they'll one day understand why I made the decision, not because I didn't care but because I felt like I deserved more than what I was getting.

If you've read my previous posts you'll know that I've spoken about losing myself back in 2013 but instead of finding me I continued to be lost. Slowly trying to get me back or even be a way better me than I was before has been a lot harder than I thought. In 2013 I could say I was happy very happy with how life was going then the situation happened and that's it I lost myself. Throughout the three years I kept losing more of me until recently i felt like no, this is not ok I have to be happy again. People come into your life and teach you things even the hard way. Three years have gone by and it taught me how much I haven't taken care of my heart and my soul, how my heart still hurts, if I think about the situation too long and can't help but to let my tears flow down my cheeks without feeling embarrassed, with some situation things don't heal you just get stronger and learn to be ok with it. I know can never look back at the situation and smile it'll always just be a sad story.

Ever found yourself laughing but you truly ain't happy? Ever found yourself laughing at jokes but as soon as the joke is over you're back to feeling like something's missing? Ever found yourself feeling lonely even when you are right next to someone?

While I was losing myself, my happiness, I also clearly forgot my self worth, dealing with things I would of never put up with in the past, then it clicked and I was like wait, I'm a great woman I deserve the world and more. I deserve to be loved correctly not mistreated. Ever found yourself thinking I can never treat the person I love the way some people treat the person they claim to love. How do you deliberately hurt someone you love? It doesn't make sense to me.

Life is full of choices good and bad ones, whichever you choose that's the choice you have to live with. Whether you make the wrong choice it's up to you to learn from it or to do it again but that's all just up to you, some people learn and other don't. Some mistakes make us grow and some good choices sometimes are the hardest to make. Think the hardest part about making the right choice and decision is having to let go of a vision you had for so long because by making that decision you're having to let go of so many things you had wanted for the future, it all just comes crashing down and the hardest part is letting go of something you held on for so long because it may just never happen. That you just have to let it be what it meant to be.

I have to thank my children for giving me hope, happiness and so much love. I literally can't imagine my life without them. Crazy how two little boys have made such a difference and have given me the strength to be better, love harder and to live life with a purpose.

The storm doesn't last forever and the things that hurt today will eventually not hurt anymore, accepting the journey, accepting and dealing with today's issues and situations but being excited for the future.

Margie-Alexandra