My Life Didn't End ...

People always tell me how strong I am, having two children so close in age and me being just 22. For a long time I never actually believed how strong I actually was until I cried and had my moment to just not be so strong. I say crying is a good thing if you need to cry it out, just cry it's ok. It's ok not to be ok and to not always keep it together.
I can't even lie I cry at silly things I'm a cry baby but for some reason I don't cry much at things that really do upset me unless I'm at my breaking point and I need to let it out and tell someone what's really bothering me.

I had Romeo at 20 then two months later I turned 21. Who ever says that life ends as soon as you have a child lied. My life didn't end when I had my first son it was a new chapter in my life where I couldn't be out partying every week drinking all the time etc, yet I didn't want to, I wanted to spend every moment with my son I didn't want to miss a thing especially all his firsts. Why would I want to be leaving my son with someone else for them to tell me what I missed out on? In my eyes it's just not worth it. Yes, I go out here and there but I love spending time with my children same way when I do have my own time I love it too we all need some you time especially when you life is based on your children's schedule all the time.

Becoming a mother I knew I had to make a lot of decisions thinking of my son first. Like I said I didn't want to miss most of his firsts so I put my dreams on hold to do so. Lord knows Romeo drives me up the wall but I literally wouldn't have it any other way. Putting my dreams on hold only means I'm going to get to my dream a little later than expected, doesn't mean I won't get there. See people always look at you and want to judge because of what you're doing right now but no one knows what path a person wants to take or even what their dreams are. How can you judge something you don't understand or even know? Better yet how can you judge a person or have an opinion when you only know what you see on social media.

These last couple of months I've done a lot of self evaluating. I am my biggest critic. Since having children I can't say i am the same Margie from back in 2011/2012. A Lot of things happened in 2012 that changed me. It made me softer but yet it made me not care about a lot of things. 2012 showed me the importance of not caring yet caring a lot. Just knowing the difference between what to care about and not to care about. Let's just say I hit rock bottom, but found me or should I say found the person I wanted to be. What type of woman I wanted to be, then came my children and I kind of lost me again but still knowing what I wanted and who I wanted to be in life especially the example of a woman I wanted to show my children. One being, being very confident in who I am. Having children changed my body drastically, for example my stretch marks, that now I've accepted and made it a part of me happily. One day in the shower crying about it I told myself that I shouldn't be sad about all the stretch marks, but be so grateful that I could have children because a woman in this world will happily have all the stretch marks I have just so they could have a baby of their own.

I had Romeo and he would literally only sleep properly on my chest so we would fall asleep together all the time I was his comfort and he was mine. I had Reyan and that night I put him in the little baby bed next to my bed at the hospital after feeding him, he started crying and I just thought, he's hungry again but no he wasn't hungry I laid him next to me and he fell soundly asleep, made me so happy that even though he wasn't in my tummy he still felt the need to be by me and I was his comfort for him to sleep peacefully.  

My children are my life. They have made me a better person, more loving, more affectionate, more patient but most of all they taught me LOVE, love in a form only mother will understand I just need to learn to put me first sometimes without feeling like I'm doing something wrong.

My life didn't end when I had my children.