Te Amo

Abuelita ....
How do you even start a good bye or even say good bye to someone you wasn't ready to say good bye to ? It doesn't make sense you didn't come out the hospital this time. Last time I saw your face was when I showed you on FaceTime Romeo and Reys new bedroom. You gave us such a big scare the day the doctor said you had 20% to come out alive from your operation and we all rushed to the hospital to wait for you to come out and you did you was fine because that's just how you was scare us and be just fine after, the strongest woman I know. Alita you don't understand or maybe you do because now you can see all of us and you probably can hear all my thoughts and see all of us mourning because you was literally the foundation of everything we know, you was the one who kept us all together it's what you loved, you loved to see us all together, arguing or fighting wasn't an option we had to be together, it made you happy, you accepted us with all our flaws, loved us unconditionally regardless of how crazy we are or how loud we got, or even those rude jokes uncles make you loved us for us you cherished every moment. We all know you missed the lifestyle you use to have when you'll be back and forth from New York to London, I use to just think grandma is living life boy she's just a lucky lady, and you was you was lucky to have such loving children, that showed you how much they loved you and will always love you, grandkids who love you and even great grandkids who adore you, still very little to understand that you've gone but at least we can tell them about you, just today Romeo saw your photo on my phone and said aaaa alita, I kiss her and gave your picture a kiss. Alita we was so lucky to have you and have you so present in our lives I remember in my pregnancies you'll make me empanadas every time I came round just because one time I had that as a craving, I wanted grandmas empanadas, so you made them every time you knew I was coming I'm so glad Romeo and Rey met you because you're the real definition of a queen, you raised queens and kings all by yourself who I get to call mum, aunties and uncles, it's because of you why we are who we are. God took you a bit too soon because I wasn't ready I don't understand life without you it doesn't make sense, how do I walk around knowing I can never see your face? or annoy you by telling you I'm having like 5 kids you screwing up your face about it and telling me I'm silly "esas bobadas" you're always going to be such a big part of our lives that's missing, family parties ain't going to be the same without you there's always going to be something missing. I'm glad I took the photos of you that day on your birthday you didn't want us to sing happy birthday, didn't want to blow out your candles or us to take photos but I did we said we was taking pictures of the boys but you was in them, to think that was your last birthday and I least I got you the cake because now we can't sing you happy birthday anymore or buy you a cake or take you flowers, you loved flowers and you had so many all the time. I always thought that you'll be there for all my baby showers, to meet all my babies but I guess now you'll just meet them but from heaven while you watch over us. I was looking forward to cook for you, for you to see my new place all finished and pretty and you being so proud of me, now I just have to make you extra proud because I know you're watching my every move, I know I'll make you proud and you're going to be like wow Margie never knew you could do that. I asked you last night that when I look up one night that you'll be the brightest star shining and you was I looked up and you was there I stood for ages trying to figure out if it was a plane or a star because it was the only one, the sky was dark blue but you was there and i felt nothing but happiness, thank you for listening to me even if it was in English that I keep talking to you in but I figured you're in heaven now so you can understand me. Or maybe not but I hope so. I hope that you're happy and even though we miss you so much already we know you're resting and I hope you're at peace you deserve everything great in your after life because you was the best ever, you don't feel no pain anymore, I hope you've met the people I know you should meet up in heaven please tell them I love them and please take care of them like I know you would, I hope I see you sometimes in my dreams and I can't wait to see you again some day but until then abuelita keep us safe and I will make you proud, I will never forget you and what you've taught me. Te amo alita y descanse en paz con los angelitos. There's loads I want to say but I'll keep talking to you as I've been doing this won't be the end .....